The 39-Year-Old Virgin Read online

Heaven knew she’d heard more than her share of stories about all of the above, men not wanting to bother with a woman once the goal was secured.

  No, Caleb wasn’t like that.

  Was he?

  When Saturday morning arrived, she spent half of her time listening for the sound of a car pulling up in her driveway. There’d been a few false starts, but no one came, not even by mistake. By the time noon rolled around, Claire figured she had her answer.

  “So where is he?” Margaret queried, coming up behind her in the living room. Her mother nodded toward the bay window that looked out on the driveway, indicating that neither Caleb nor his truck were there. “Caleb isn’t going to leave the house half-painted, is he?” she asked, a critical tone entering her voice.

  “I’m sure something came up.” Although, when she saw Danny in the school yard yesterday, lining up for the bus, he’d said something about seeing her today.

  Still, something could have come up at the last minute, she silently argued. Caleb was a police detective and while his beat was vice, not homicide, his line of work wasn’t exactly the kind you could use to set a schedule to, either.

  “Oh, never mind,” Margaret said in the next breath, waving away any explanation that Claire could have come up with. “They’re here.”

  Her mother, Claire noted, lit up like a Christmas tree, even though she tried to pretend that she was indifferent to the people climbing out of the truck.

  Yeah, right, Claire thought.

  As for her, her stomach suddenly gave birth to quite possibly the largest butterfly ever to have materialized in the known western hemisphere.

  Chapter Thirteen

  It wasn’t like him. For some reason, he was running behind today and now he couldn’t find Danny. Where the hell had that boy gotten to? He wasn’t in the house. Danny looked forward to these trips over to Claire’s house even more than he did.

  Well, maybe that wasn’t quite right, but it soothed his conscience to think that right now, in light of what had happened last week.

  Damn, but he felt conflicted. “Danny, where are you?” he called out impatiently. “We’ve got to get going.”

  This time, rather than silence, he heard his son answer, “Right here.” The next moment, Danny came into the living room, a bunch of bedraggled, drooping daisies that had seen better days clutched in his hand.

  Caleb stiffened when he saw the flowers. Jane had planted daisies in the backyard when they’d moved in.

  “What are you doing with those?” Caleb asked.

  “They’re Mama’s favorites,” Danny said as if that was to answer everything.

  “I know that,” Caleb heard himself snapping. He struggled to regain control over a temper that was way too short today. “But what are you…?”

  “Today’s her birthday,” Danny explained. He put the daisies beside the framed photograph of the three of them that was on the coffee table. The daisies spread out in front of the frame like leaves that had been scattered by the wind.

  Jane’s birthday. How could he have forgotten? There was a sudden heaviness in his chest. It only intensified as Danny raised his teary eyes up to him. “Think she can see them?”

  Caleb sat down on the sofa and gathered the boy to him. “I know she can,” he answered, his voice barely above a whisper. He knew that was what the boy needed to hear. As for himself, he hadn’t a clue. There was an incredible sadness within him and it had breached all the barriers he’d held in place.

  “I miss her, Dad,” Danny sobbed. “I miss her lots.”

  He held the boy against him, feeling Danny’s tears against his shoulder. Feeling his own tears welling up. “Me, too, Danny,” Caleb said hoarsely. “Me, too.”

  His cell phone began to ring, but he ignored it. Comforting his son was far more important.

  There was something different about Caleb when he got out of the car. She noticed it immediately. He seemed exceedingly uncomfortable.

  She knew it.

  In addition to the giant butterfly, she felt a sinking sensation in her stomach. Things were not going to be the same again between her and Caleb. Ever. They’d crossed a line and now there was no going back.

  She’d lost him as a friend and she sincerely mourned that.

  Claire walked out the front door, leaving it open for her mother. Because she and Caleb weren’t alone, she put on a smile and pretended that she didn’t know that there was something wrong—or the reason behind it.

  “My mother was beginning to think you weren’t going to come today,” she said pleasantly. The next moment, Danny reached her and threw his arms around her waist. Looking up, he gave her a huge smile and a sunny “Hi!” She ran her hand over the boy’s already tousled hair.

  She was really going to miss this, she thought, struggling to keep the sadness out of her eyes.

  “Your mother’s half-right,” Caleb told her, hooking his thumbs in the corners of his pockets. He was obviously struggling to get his words out.

  Releasing Danny, she let him run into the house and to her mother, who was waiting for him. She glanced over her shoulder to make sure that neither was in hearing range, then she approached Caleb.

  “You don’t have to feel obligated to come here, Caleb,” she told him, lowering her voice even more. “You’ve done more around the house than I could ever begin to repay you for and, well…” How did she put this? “I just don’t want you to feel awkward.”

  “Well, I do,” he bit off. Then, as she searched for something appropriate to say, Caleb continued with the rest of it. “I don’t like asking for favors.”

  In the blink of an eye, he’d completely lost her. She’d assumed the awkward expression was due to the fallout after making love with her. But apparently something else was to blame. “What favor?”

  “I’ve got to go in.” The call that he hadn’t answered immediately had been from the precinct. He needed to go in. Ordinarily, he would have called to tell her that he wasn’t coming. But then his options fell through. “Can’t go into details,” he told her. “But Mrs. Collins made plans to visit her sister in Santa Barbara today and I need someone to watch Danny for me until I get back.” He frowned. He hated imposing.

  It took her a second to catch her breath. Relief flooded her. Claire stared at him, feeling oddly giddy and annoyed with herself at the same time for getting so carried away.

  “Is that it?” she asked.

  “No. I intend to pay you what I pay Mrs. Collins,” he told her. If he paid Claire, then he was a little less in debt to her.

  “You do and I’ll make you eat it,” she informed him calmly. “You’ve been working on the house every weekend for over a couple of months now. I can certainly do this for you. Besides, Danny’s great company. I should be paying you.” She looked at him, wanting to be sure. “And that’s really it? There’s no other reason you look like a ball player whose uniform is two sizes too small and strangling you?”

  She came up with the strangest comparisons, he thought. “No, why? Should there be?”

  Cut bait and run. Just say no. But part of her felt that she needed to have all this out now, while it was still fresh.

  “I just thought…after last Sunday…”

  How in heaven’s name did she phrase this without sounding like her every thought centered on their lovemaking? On her very first experience into that incredibly wondrous realm? Her every thought hadn’t been centered on their lovemaking. It was her every other thought that had gone there.

  And then suddenly, she couldn’t say anything. Danny returned, his lively eyes bright with anticipation. “Miss Santaniello, can I play with the video set? Your mom said it was okay, but I thought I should check with you.”

  Lord, but he was well trained. He had better manners than most adults. She put her hand on his shoulder. “Sweetheart, you can play with anything you want.” She’d purchased the new video console exclusively to entertain the boy. Who would have known that Danny would teach her mother how to play? “But
go easy on my mother. Remember, she’s just getting the hang of the game.”

  “Okay,” he promised cheerfully, ducking back into the house. “Bye, Dad,” he sang out just before he disappeared from view. In a second, the melodic theme song programmed into the video game came drifting out through the open window in the family room.

  Caleb glanced at his watch. He didn’t really have to see it to know he was running really late now. Even so, he remained where he was for a moment longer. She’d said something and it needed to be cleared up. Ordinarily, he would have just ignored the subject. But this was Claire and she deserved better treatment at his hands.

  “Did you think I just wasn’t going to show up today, after being here every single Saturday and most Sundays for more than the last two months, because of…what happened between us?”

  Caleb hadn’t called it sex, she thought, grateful for the small crumb. She was fairly certain he probably didn’t think of what had happened as lovemaking, but at least it wasn’t just plain sex to him. And who knew, maybe it was just the slightest bit special to him, too.

  “I wasn’t sure what to think,” she admitted quietly. “I don’t exactly have firsthand experience in this sort of thing. And etiquette books don’t cover the proper way people who aren’t married behave toward one another…afterward.” Before she could continue to verbally stumble about, a low hum, like the sound of an electric toothbrush, broke through. Saved! She nodded toward the phone clipped to his belt. “I think someone’s trying to reach you.”

  Caleb suppressed an exasperated sigh. More than likely, it was Ski, calling to find out where the hell he was. He planned to be on his way in less than five minutes. For a second, he debated taking the easy way out, then decided against it. As much as he didn’t like talking about personal matters, this did need to be addressed, otherwise he couldn’t put it out of the way.

  “He can wait.” Caleb ignored the vibrating phone. “Look, I don’t exactly know what’s going on,” he confessed. “But I think that maybe you should know that I haven’t been with a woman since Jane died. The thought of being with another woman hadn’t even crossed my mind. Jane was very, very special to me.”

  Now he was coming off like some plaster saint and that definitely wasn’t what he was trying to convey. He tried again.

  “Don’t get me wrong, we had our differences and our arguments. Some of them got pretty vocal,” he recalled. “Especially about her work. But I felt things for Jane, things that I can’t even begin to put into words.”

  Dead or not, she envied Jane. Envied her for finding a love that rich, that overwhelming. She nodded. “I understand.”

  “No,” he told her, “I don’t think you do. I felt things for her that I knew I’d never feel again. And I didn’t. I didn’t feel anything at all after she was killed—except lost and angry. I was pretty resigned that was the way things were going to be from then on. And then you came back. And, hell, I don’t know…” He threw up his hands as his voice trailed off.

  Just when she thought he was going to walk away from her and get into his truck, leaving his sentence just hanging, unfinished, in the air, Caleb surprised her by resorting to another method to show her what he was trying to say.

  Grabbing her by the arms, he pulled her to him and sealed his mouth to hers. Hard.

  The kiss was quick, but far from fleeting. Because in that one instant, he penetrated her very core, leaving her shaken, dizzy and so wanting more.

  Pulling back, Caleb opened his hands and released his hold on her. His expression indicated how frustrated he was.

  “I can’t put it any better than that,” he told her tersely. And then the next moment, he was striding toward his car.

  She came to just as he lowered himself into the cab of his car. Claire ran over to the vehicle. “When will you be back?” She was breathless, but running had absolutely nothing to do with it.

  He shrugged carelessly. “I don’t know. Sometime today. It’s the best I can do.” And then he realized why she was asking. Or thought he did. “Did you have plans for later today?”

  She shook her head, determined not to let him see that she was more confused than ever by his explanation. But she supposed it was all right. She didn’t know how she felt about everything, either. Except that she didn’t want to lose him as a friend.

  “I just want to know if Danny is staying for dinner.”

  Caleb nodded as he started up the car.

  The rattle of the engine kicking in mimicked her emotions as the sound seemed to bounce all over the place. It seemed to her that the longer she was away from the order, the more confused she felt. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around?

  “Stay safe,” Claire called to him just before he pulled away.

  His response was almost inaudible. It took her a few seconds to play it back in her head and make sense of it. He’d muttered, “I’ll do my best,” just before he was out of earshot.

  “So will I, Caleb,” she murmured. “So will I.” Whatever her best was, she added silently, because right now, she hadn’t a clue. She was flying without a compass with guilt and confusion as her copilots.

  Caleb didn’t return until a little more than an hour into the next day. One-ten in the morning. Tired but too keyed up to sleep, Claire had waited up for him. Listening for the approach of his car, she was on her feet before he had a chance to shut off the engine.

  She rushed to the front door and opened it just as he came up the front walk. Her greeting never had a chance to emerge.

  He scowled at her as he came in. “Don’t you know better than to fling open your door like that this time of night?” He bit the words off one by one like well-aimed bullets. He’d seen too many things happen to take safety for granted.

  “Nope,” she said cheerfully. “Besides, my friend, the vice cop, was due here any minute.” Claire closed the door behind him. “I figured I was safe.” Coming around, she took a closer look at his face and her bantering tone faded. “You look exhausted. Didn’t it go well?” She knew she couldn’t ask specific questions, but this one seemed nebulous enough to merit an answer.

  “Yeah. Finally.”

  He’d had to chase down one of the so-called “suspects” over an obstacle course that would have gladdened the hearts of an entire Olympic marathon committee before he’d managed to tackle the man and bring him down. He knew he was going to pay for both the sprint and the tackle come morning. While he worked out with weights whenever he could, running had never been his thing. Right about now, especially after having come down so hard on the pavement, he felt like something the cat wouldn’t have dragged in on a bet.

  Taking a deep breath, he scanned the living room. “Where’s Danny?”

  Claire nodded toward the stairs. “Asleep in the guest room. I put him down at nine and read to him for almost an hour.” She smiled, remembering. “He tried very hard to stay awake for you, but eventually, he lost the struggle.”

  He nodded. Just as well. He felt too tired to talk to the boy and he didn’t want Danny to misunderstand. They’d covered a lot of ground this morning, even without words. He didn’t want anything jeopardizing that.

  Caleb turned toward the stairs. “I’ll just go get him and be on my way.”

  Claire shifted so that she blocked his way. “Why don’t you let him sleep. He’s fine where he is. I certainly don’t mind having him here.” Caleb looked as if he was barely awake himself. “You look like you’re dead on your feet. You’re welcome to stay here, too. I can make up the sofa for you.”

  Caleb rotated his shoulders. The ache was already beginning to set in. He was grateful to her for keeping his son overnight. It simplified his exit. He could just flop on the couch at home.

  “No, thanks.” He turned back toward the front door. “I’ll just go to the house.”

  She noticed that he didn’t refer to it as home. Was that because he didn’t think of it as home anymore now that his wife was gone? Her heart ached for him.

>   Very gently, she took his hand and steered him toward the sofa. “Why don’t you sit down for a minute,” she coaxed. “In your present condition you’re liable to fall asleep behind the wheel. I really don’t want to have that on my conscience.”

  The word no was right there but somehow, it didn’t come out. Before he knew it, he found himself sitting on the sofa. The cushions seductively molded themselves around him. He sighed. “You really know how to wield that guilt thing, don’t you?”

  Claire laughed. “Hey, I’m Italian and Catholic, guilt is part of my makeup,” she quipped. “Now stay down,” she instructed when he looked as if he was going to get up—or try to. To make sure her message got across, she kept her hand on his shoulder for a moment for good measure. “I’ll get you something to drink,” she offered. “Orange juice okay?”

  “Fine,” he murmured. She lifted her hand carefully, watching him. Satisfied that he wasn’t going anywhere, she turned on her heel and began to cross to the kitchen. “Claire?”

  Stopping, she glanced at him over her shoulder. “Yes?”

  “If something happens to me, I’d like you to look after Danny.”

  She’d expected him to say something about changing his mind about the orange juice and asking for something else. This came flying at her like a winged monkey out of an abyss. Stunned, thinking that maybe she’d misheard, she crossed back to him.

  “What?”

  Maybe he should have worded it better. Communication was not his long suit. Neither was timing, he supposed. But this had been preying on his mind since late this afternoon. He wasn’t about to get any peace until he settled the matter.

  “Look.” He sat up. “I know it’s a big favor and I wouldn’t ask, but there is no one else.” That almost sounded insulting, he realized and tried again to explain. “Jane was an only child, like me, and her parents are dead, also like me.” Her father had died less than two months after she did. “If something happens to me, I don’t want Danny getting lost in the system.”

  He supposed he could ask his partner to look after Danny, but all things considered, Claire was far better equipped to raise his son. And if he asked Ski, the man would take the request to mean that they’d become closer and start asking all sorts of questions. Ski read something positive into almost anything. Getting Claire to say yes was better for everyone all around.