Once a Father Read online

  “If that’s the case, what’s your excuse?” Adam asked, nodding at the third set of eggs she had frying.

  She cocked her head comically, winking at Jake. “I’m a she-man?”

  Almost against his will, Adam’s eyes swept over her again. Tracy had shed her jacket. She was wearing a light green, long-sleeved sweater that brought out the green in her eyes and accented her chest, making him acutely aware of the difference between men and women.

  It also made his palms itch.

  “Not hardly,” he muttered under his breath.

  The quick grin on her face told him she’d heard him. It went straight to his gut. He needed to put some space between them. Preferably a lot, but he’d settle for the bedroom right now.

  “I’d better go and put some clothes on,” he told her, already backing out.

  It was hard for her to look at his eyes, not while the rest of him was so temptingly delicious. But she made the effort and was successful.

  “Good idea.” Her mouth curved in some secret joke he wanted to share. “You might get cold on the rides, dressed like that.”

  That brought another thing to mind, something he hadn’t raised last night when she’d come up with this idea. “Speaking of cold, don’t you think it’s too cold for a day at the amusement park?”

  “It’s not too cold,” she contradicted. “It’s invigorating, bracing. I used to go ice skating in weather that was much colder than this. Besides, think of the upside. There’ll be less people to contend with.” She looked at Jake to see if he was listening. His eyes were on her. She found that vastly encouraging. “More rides per hour.”

  He might have known she’d say something like that. In little more than two weeks in her company, he was swiftly beginning to be able to read her. Still, he felt compelled to ask, “Are you always this nauseatingly optimistic?”

  She ran the edge of the spatula along the rim of the eggs, making sure they weren’t sticking. “In varying degrees, yes. Never saw the advantage in seeing the dark side.”

  He laughed shortly. “It’s less disappointing that way.”

  “No,” she contradicted, “it starts out disappointing that way. My way there’s at least hope for a little while.”

  He sighed. There was no arguing with the woman. He didn’t even know why he’d attempted to bother. “I’ll go get dressed.”

  She nodded, trying not to watch Adam as he left the room.

  There was no denying that he had a butt that was almost heart-stopping. The man looked damn good, coming and going. She sighed, getting her mind back on what she was doing.

  Reinforcing her smile, Tracy looked down at the boy standing beside her.

  “I’m glad you’re up, Jake. I need someone to help me with the toast.” She glanced over toward the toaster that resided forlornly on the counter and prayed that it hadn’t rusted from disuse. Adam made it sound as if he never ate at home and from the looks of his refrigerator, she had no reason to doubt him. “Just open up the loaf of bread over there and drop two slices in for me, would you?”

  She held her breath as she pretended to watch the frying eggs. After a prolonged moment, Jake reached for the loaf of bread on the counter.

  Yes! Tracy thought, mentally fisting her hand and bringing her elbow down to her side in triumph.

  Chapter 10

  She could feel his eyes on her. Adam’d been looking at her for most of the trip back from the amusement park. He’d said very little, but she’d come to expect that from him.

  But she hadn’t expected the scrutiny, if that was what it actually was. They’d spent the entire day together, she and Adam and Jake. Was there something on his mind he was searching for a way to phrase?

  Or was Adam just absentmindedly staring off into space and she just happened to be in his direct line of vision?

  Tracy turned down a less-traveled street, her eyes on the road.

  She sighed. Well, if Mohammed wasn’t coming to the mountain, the mountain damn well was going to have to come to him. She kept her face forward.

  “You know, you’ve been staring at me for most of the drive home. What’s the matter, do I have a smudge on my cheek or something?”

  “No.” Adam shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He hadn’t realized he was being that obvious.

  They were on their way home after putting in what he deemed to be more than a full day at the amusement park. Tracy had elected to take her truck and he hadn’t seen the need to object. The truck had surprised him. She didn’t seem the type to drive a vehicle like this. She’d seemed more at home behind the wheel of her other car, the sporty Mustang—until he saw her climb into the cab of the truck.

  The woman looked at home no matter where she was.

  Jake was dozing between them. The boy still hadn’t said a single word, but there was no denying that he’d had a good day. Once or twice, Adam was certain that he saw a smile trying to emerge, trying to mirror what was most definitely in the boy’s eyes.

  Now that was a coincidence. Jake smiled with his eyes, just like Tracy.

  Except that Tracy was more like a damn beacon, Adam thought, dispensing sunlight from her eyes. Hell, from every part of her. He had a feeling that if she put her mind to it and stretched out her hands, she could probably shoot sunbeams from her fingertips.

  He shook his head, the notion taking him by surprise. Shooting sunbeams from her fingertips? Just how dumb was that? It seemed to him as if he had very little control over his mind these days.

  Was it because of the boy, because he’d taken on this extra load in his life?

  Or was it because of the woman?

  Seemed like nothing was the same since he’d rushed into that burning building at the Lone Star Country Club.

  He realized that she was still waiting for an answer. “I was just wondering where you get all your energy from, that’s all.”

  She hadn’t thought of herself as being extraordinarily energetic today. This was a typical day for her. Tracy shrugged. “Never gave it much thought.”

  Well, he had. Watching her all day, not just keeping up with Jake but more often than not, leading the way. And dragging him in her wake, goading him on to stay abreast of her and the boy. He’d thought about it a lot. About her energy.

  About her.

  Adam cleared his throat, then smiled. Sort of. “You might try giving some thought to finding a way to bottle that. Could make a mint if you did. Hell, woman, you’ve got more energy than anyone else I’ve ever encountered.”

  “Just business as usual,” she told him. Tracy spared a glance at the boy who sat between them in the truck, his head nodding to the side as he slept. “I just wanted him to have a good time.” She raised her eyes to Adam’s. “Think he had a good time?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  She nodded, not wanting to probe any further, content with the knowledge that she’d helped bring a little diversion and pleasure into the boy’s life.

  The contentment needed a mate.

  Tracy glanced at Adam again when she came to a red light, easing her foot slowly down on the brake. “How about you?”

  The question interrupted his thoughts. About her. “How about me what?”

  She smiled. The man definitely had a short attention span. “Did you have a good time?”

  He examined the physical evidence. The temperature had never risen above forty degrees, although the sun had made it seem warmer at times. At least it hadn’t snowed, he thought. “My lungs are cold, my feet hurt and I think my fingers are frozen and might just break off.”

  Her mouth curved broadly. She was getting used to sifting out the complaints from the actual emotion he was trying to bury beneath it. “I didn’t ask for an inventory, Collins, I asked you if you had a good time.”

  He blew out a breath, leaning back in his seat, his arm protectively around the boy’s shoulders. “Yeah, I guess I did, at that.”

  “Good.” A straight answer. “My work here is done,” she murmured with a lau
gh.

  Her soft voice sent ripples out into the velvety darkness that existed within the cab of the truck. Warming him. Igniting feelings. He blanketed them, stamping them out as best he could, the way he would a single flame that might lead to a fire.

  “So should I be on my guard tomorrow?” he heard himself asking to dispel the sultry silence that was swaddling around him.

  The man was still an enigma to her. “What do you mean?”

  “Should I be up at dawn, waiting for you to descend?” She’d said something about having another day off. So did he.

  Tracy laughed, shaking her head. He sure had a way with words. “You make me sound like a Mongolian horde, about to loot and plunder.”

  “Maybe not a Mongolian horde exactly, and maybe not looting…”

  At a light, she turned to look at him. “But plundering?” It took her a second to realize that he was pulling her leg.

  “Plundering my energy.”

  Tracy laughed softly. She had a hunch that under the right circumstances, Adam Collins had plenty of energy to spare. But for the sake of the way the conversation was going, she merely said, “Maybe you don’t eat right, Collins.” He didn’t if that refrigerator of his was any indication. “Although you were keeping up just fine today.”

  Maybe he was tired. That was why his guard was down. Whatever the reason, he admitted, “That was just my male pride.”

  She arched a brow, amused. “Can’t be outdone by a woman?”

  His expression was unreadable. “Something like that.”

  She slanted a look at him as she took a right turn. “Funny, you don’t seem the type to be bothered by something that trivial.”

  She had a lot to learn about the male ego, Adam thought. It occurred to him that he wouldn’t mind teaching her. “It’s only trivial if you’re on the winning side.”

  “I had no idea this was a competition.”

  There it went, that same sunlight in her eyes, he noted. As if she had some kind of secret joke she was teasing him with before she shared it.

  Damn but he wanted to share those secrets with her. Wanted her.

  “If I’d known,” she was saying, “I would have tried harder.”

  He merely groaned, hoping that it would hide what he was really thinking and feeling.

  “Looks like we’re here,” she announced.

  He looked and saw his apartment complex on the right. He’d had no idea they were so close. It wasn’t like him to be this disoriented.

  Guiding the vehicle into the first available spot in the guest parking lot, Tracy pulled in and then put on the emergency brake. For a second, she debated just having Adam take Jake out of the truck and then leaving, but she realized that she wasn’t quite ready to see the evening end just yet.

  She shut off the engine and got out on her side of the truck. Rounding the rear of the vehicle, she came to Adam’s side just as he was slowly drawing Jake out, taking extra care not to wake or disturb him too much.

  It felt as if he was doing this in slow motion. “I’m really afraid of hurting him,” he confessed.

  She liked that about him, liked his sensitivity to someone else’s pain, especially someone so young.

  “He’s healing at a remarkable rate. The pain dissipates long before the visible signs are gone,” she assured him. The therapist, Randi, was scheduled to come tomorrow to work with Jake. After seeing how he got around today, Tracy doubted too many visits were going to be necessary.

  Then, because she had a natural tendency both to take charge and to be nurturing, Tracy said, “Here, let me help.”

  Not waiting for him to say anything, she wiggled in in front of Adam in order to pick Jake up.

  The contact should have been muted by the layers of clothing that existed between them. But somehow, the jackets, both sheepskin and leather, didn’t take the edge off the jolt of electricity that flashed through Adam as Tracy’s body brushed up against his.

  There’d been no one in his life since he’d lost his wife, not even a casual one-night stand. Adam told himself that was the reason behind what he was feeling. All this was just a physical reaction to a beautiful woman.

  But even so, it was getting harder and harder to deny, harder to control.

  Adam stepped back from her as if he’d touched a live wire. Had he felt it, too? she wondered. That wild bolt of lightning that had seared through her. Because right now, the man was making her absolutely rethink her celibate position. And the scales were tipped his way.

  She’d always felt that casual couplings were not for her. That when she slept with someone it would be because she felt she was with the right man, a man she wanted to marry and have a family with. Since having a family was no longer part of the equation, no longer possible, she’d abandoned the rest of it, too. The kind of man she would give her heart to wanted children, children she wouldn’t be able to give him.

  Now she wasn’t so sure about her stand. If she was any judge of people, Collins was most definitely not in the market for a lifelong partner. He wasn’t looking to get married any time soon. Probably never.

  Yet more and more, he was occupying a place in her thoughts. She would have been more than happy to attribute that to Maureen and her far-from-subtle hints about her making love with the tall, dark and oh-so-handsome fireman.

  But the truth of it was she couldn’t pin the blame on Maureen, couldn’t pin it on anyone but herself. She wanted it, wanted to make love with Adam.

  What remained to be seen now was if she was going to go through with it.

  Tracy smiled to herself as she handed the boy off to Adam. She was making it sound as if this was a foregone conclusion, as if the man’s wishes were something she was already privy to. Maybe Adam didn’t want to make love with her.

  She raised her eyes to his.

  Yeah, she thought, he did.

  An old, absurd song title from the twenties crossed her mind. “Your Lips Tell Me No, No, But There’s Yes, Yes In Your Eyes.” There was most definitely “yes, yes,” in Adam’s eyes.

  And it thrilled her beyond words.

  Tracy looked down at the boy the firefighter was holding. Such wanton thoughts arising out of what was actually such an altruistic scenario. Damn, but she was getting to be bad.

  Adam had no idea what was going on in her head, only that Tracy was looking at him strangely. Maybe she’d felt it, too, he mused. Felt that pull that had flashed between them. Trouble was, he didn’t know what he wanted to do about it.

  Liar.

  A small, knowing inner voice mocked him. He did know, he knew exactly what he wanted to do about it. But he wasn’t going to, Adam told himself.

  Making love with this woman would only complicate his life even more. Hopelessly so. Not that she would make waves, he was almost positive that she wouldn’t. She seemed too free-spirited to think that a man pledged his heart after sharing one torrid night with a woman. But if he made love with her, he wasn’t sure if he could keep his emotions out of it. And once they were brought forth, who the hell knew what would happen?

  Better not to start than to deal with what came in the aftermath.

  “I’m inviting myself over for coffee,” she informed him as, much to his surprise, she began to lead the way to his apartment. “And you can’t tell me you don’t have any because I brought it this morning.”

  This wasn’t retreating, this was riding straight into the fray. Not a good idea. Adam said the first thing that occurred to him. “Won’t drinking coffee at this hour keep you awake?”

  Tracy shook her head. “I’m completely immune. I drink so much coffee during the day to keep going that by the time night falls, its effects are completely neutralized.” They were at his door. His arms were full of boy. She put out her hand. “Give me your key and I’ll open the door.”

  He didn’t have them handy. “They’re in my pocket,” he told her. She began to reach into his jacket pocket, but he shook his head. “No, my jeans pocket.”

  A
sensual smile that made his gut tighten and then lurch lifted the corners of her mouth. “Maybe you’d better give me Jake. I don’t think I know you well enough to frisk you yet.”

  He laughed quietly, relieved. Jake stirred as Adam handed him off to her.

  Adam saw her eyes drift shut for a second as she drew the boy to her and held him against her. She looked as if she was savoring the moment. As if she was thinking of what might have been.

  That was the way she was meant to be, he thought suddenly, holding a child in her arms. Empathy and sadness flooded him. He felt for her. Because of a cruel twist of fate, she would be denied a child of her own to hold the way she was holding Jake.

  She could always adopt, he thought, taking out his key and unlocking the door.

  Why hadn’t she thought of that?

  None of his business, he told himself sharply. He had to remember that there were lines to be adhered to, lines that shouldn’t be crossed and he was not only thinking of crossing them, but of pole-vaulting right over them.

  She was having a hell of an effect on him.

  “I’ll put him to bed,” she volunteered, her voice just a little above a whisper as she entered the darkened apartment.

  “Thanks.”

  Reaching into the room and feeling around on the wall, he flipped on a light. She went straight to the boy’s room. He debated going with her, then decided to let her handle it on her own. He’d only get in her way and there was no doubt in his mind that she had it covered.

  Right now, it seemed prudent to him to stay out of small, tight places if she was in them.

  He looked around the kitchen, trying to remember where he kept his pots.

  “Didn’t open his eyes once,” she announced several minutes later as she walked into the kitchen.

  Adam was sitting at the small table. There were two cups of coffee out. Hers was light. He remembered that she took it with milk.

  Impressed, Tracy raised her brows. “You made coffee.”

  “I made hot water,” he corrected, nodding at the steaming pot standing on the stove. “Whatever’s in that jar made coffee, such as it is.”