Once a Father Read online

  She took a seat, noting by his tone that he preferred brewed to instant. Beggars couldn’t exactly be choosers. “I’m not fussy. Besides, it’s the thought that counts.”

  Lost in thoughts that he couldn’t reveal, he didn’t get the drift of her words. “The coffeemaker’s?”

  She smiled up into his eyes, amused. “If that’s what you want to call yourself.” She raised the cup to her lips, then set it back down again, afraid she was going to laugh into the liquid, spilling it. “I’m trying to thank you for being thoughtful.”

  “Not thoughtful,” he denied. “You thought of it. You said you were inviting yourself over for coffee. I was just getting it ready while you put Jake to bed. Way I see it,” he looked into her eyes, “you got the harder part of the deal.”

  The lengths he would go to in order to avoid accepting thanks truly astounded her. “Just let me say thank you, all right?”

  He opened his mouth to negate the thanks, then shrugged. “All right.” Never one to say more than he had to, he paused. Just this once, he decided to allow his dormant curiosity to take prisoners. Mainly him. “Why don’t you adopt?”

  Well, this certainly was out of the blue, she thought. “Adopt who? Jake?”

  As usual, he wasn’t making himself clear. If it didn’t have to do with preventing fires or rescuing people, he found that he had a tendency to get tonguetied. And she positively reduced his tongue to shreds.

  “No, I mean in general.” He wondered if she would tell him to mind his own business. She was within her rights to, but he felt he had to say this. Her expression before had been divided between beatific and ecstasy. “You really look as if being with kids is what matters most to you. If you can’t have one of your own, why don’t you adopt one?”

  “I am with kids, all day long.” No, that was being defensive, she upbraided herself. Adam didn’t deserve that. He deserved an answer. “I’d like to get married first.”

  “Plenty of single women adopt these days.” Although he doubted if she’d have much trouble finding a man willing to marry her.

  “I know, but I feel that a child needs two parents whenever possible, not one.” The smile on her face was rueful. “I wouldn’t want to start out any child with a handicap.”

  “Seems to me that any kid who had you for a mother is as far from having a handicap as the earth is from the moon.”

  The look in her eyes thanked him far more eloquently than anything she could possibly say. The next moment, Adam saw tears shimmering in her eyes. It totally confused him.

  Without even realizing he was doing it, Adam reached out and placed his hand over Tracy’s in a gesture of comfort.

  “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

  Tracy wiped them away with the back of her hand, blinking to prevent any further onslaught from coming. “They’re happy tears.”

  “That makes no sense at all.” Tears were for sorrow, not joy.

  She laughed, “Why should it? You’re a man. Men don’t understand tears unless they see a bullet wound.” For the strong, silent type, he certainly had his moments. “You really are very, very sweet.”

  He could just hear the guys at the fire station hooting over that. “You’d be the first to take up that point of view.”

  Then everyone else was wrong, she thought. Because Adam Collins was very sweet. Irresistibly so. “Well, you are.”

  The need for her came slamming into him out of the shadows, like a punch that assailed him far too fast for him to duck out of the way.

  So he took it on the chin. And tried not to lose his balance.

  Adam rose from the table, his hand shifting so that his fingers now held hers. He drew Tracy up to her feet, drew her to him.

  The next moment, his hands lightly cupping the back of her shoulders, he lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her.

  The way he saw it, he had no choice.

  Chapter 11

  Her knees were the first to go.

  Unsteady, Tracy grabbed onto his shoulders to anchor herself before she sank, ungracefully, to the ground. Her head began to spin, dangerously so, and she held onto him tightly, afraid to let go. Afraid that if she did, Adam would stop.

  The kiss deepened. Layers, textures and all sorts of flavors, tantalizing and provocative, descended on her, overwhelming her. Making her forget time and space, making her forget everything but this wondrous moment in which the world held its breath as she had hers stolen from her.

  A yearning came over her, a yearning with a grip so strong she didn’t think she could pull free. She certainly couldn’t walk away from it. Not without her knees. Or legs. Or any other part of her that might have been able to work at one time, but didn’t at this precise moment. For right now, she was reduced to a state of liquid which was quickly reaching a dangerous boiling point.

  She wanted him. Wanted Adam more than she wanted anything else at this moment.

  Tracy didn’t know what had come over her, why suddenly she had no willpower, no shame that it was gone. All she knew was that she wanted Adam to make love with her and if he didn’t, she wasn’t sure how she was going to survive until dawn.

  He tasted her hunger. Or was that his own, echoing back to him?

  Adam wasn’t sure, didn’t know how to find out. As the hunger grew, it ceased to matter whose it was, only that it was consuming him, body and soul.

  Her breathing became audible to him, fanning the flames of his desire. Kissing her over and over again, he encircled his arms around her, drawing Tracy to him as if he meant to seal her against his body for all eternity.

  Maybe he did. He wasn’t sure now about any of his motives, except that they were dangerously out of control, threatening to take him hostage.

  Her mouth tasted like wine, heady, intoxicating, creating a thirst within him rather than sating one. He went on kissing her as if he’d never get enough. Because it was true.

  And then his lips left hers, devouring instead her cheeks, her chin, the tempting column of her throat, the sweet indentation just below her ear.

  He felt as if he’d just been stumbling along in the dark these past two years and now he’d found his way. The idea was utterly absurd, but he couldn’t shake free of it. Couldn’t detach himself from the feeling that he had found home.

  Adam knew he wouldn’t be satisfied until Tracy was in his bed, twisting beneath him, twining her legs around his torso.

  Maybe not even then.

  The image jolted him, causing a temporary chasm. He struggled to regain at least a shred of control over himself. He succeeded. Marginally. It was enough for a valiant, gallant effort.

  He pulled his head back from her. “Tracy?”

  “Yes,” she breathed, her voice echoing around his head, dancing along his skin.

  It wasn’t a question. It was an answer. Yes. From the bottom of her heart, yes.

  To prove her intent and eliminate any doubt he might have, Tracy cupped his face between her hands and kissed him as if her entire soul was there, throbbing in her swollen lips.

  He felt his pulse jump. Any defenses he might have had, any remaining thought at doing the honorable thing vanished.

  He was hers.

  Adam picked Tracy up in his arms and carried her into his bedroom. She wound her arms around his neck. He felt as if he could conquer the world right now. And yet, she had conquered him.

  As quietly as he could, he pushed the door closed with his back.

  “Lock it,” she murmured against his ear, her breath sending long, hot shivers down his spine.

  He knew she was right.

  Setting her down, his body brushing against hers, Adam turned and carefully flipped the lock on his door. When he turned around again to say something to her, to perhaps give her one last chance to pull away, he never got the opportunity.

  In that brief moment that he’d been otherwise occupied, Tracy had stripped off the sweater that had outlined her breasts so temptingly for him all day and evening and to
ssed it aside, along with her bra.

  His mouth felt completely dry.

  Adam could feel his lips curving in the first smile he’d felt from within in two years. Damn, but she was even more beautiful than in his fantasies. His hands slipped over her almost reverently.

  “I guess you don’t want me talking you out of this.”

  Heat was all but exploding in her veins. Tracy could feel his eyes touching her, caressing her. “No,” she whispered, drawing closer to him, eliminating any space that existed between them.

  He felt her breasts moving tantalizingly against his chest, creating a fierce hunger within him that gripped his belly. Quickly, he shed his shirt, throwing it to the floor.

  The feel of her skin against his ignited a fire in his loins.

  Combing his hands through her hair, cupping the back of her head, he kissed her mouth over and over again, unable to get enough. Afraid that this was just a dream and he would wake up. Or that the alarm would go off, calling him to a fire that was much too large for the station to handle.

  But the only alarm that went off was within him, warning him that instead of fighting a fire, he was playing with one. He had no training for this, no experience to draw on. It was a fire so huge, it threatened to incinerate him without leaving a trace of his existence behind.

  But that was all right with him. As long as it meant that he could have her, just once.

  His hands felt large and clumsy as he undid the snap at her jeans. He saw excitement flicker in her eyes, could almost feel the tingle of excitement as she drew in her breath in anticipation.

  The same anticipation that throbbed through him.

  With his palms molded on either of her hips, Adam eased the denim from her body, working it down until the jeans were at her ankles. She stepped out of them and kicked them aside. He kneaded her bottom as he kissed her mouth, then his hands slipped beneath the silky material, a thrill weaving its way through him.

  Over and over again, his mouth slanted across Tracy’s, unable to get its fill, needing more and more of her with each passing second. He pushed her underwear down her body, pressing her warm, willing flesh to him.

  He caught his breath as he felt her long, cool fingers work the zipper loose on his own jeans. Felt his loins humming with suppressed desire as she undid the snap.

  Needs grew larger, assaulting him, threatening to completely undo him. They slammed into him with blunt battering rams.

  He wasn’t sure how long he could hold himself back when all he could think about was taking her.

  But he had to give her something, a part of himself. He couldn’t just take her like some hormonal adolescent boy. As urgent as his needs were, he wanted her to remember this as something more than a random, heated coupling. He didn’t do one-night stands and he didn’t want her to think of this that way.

  Shucking the jeans down and off his body, he began to remove his briefs. Her eyes on his, Tracy stayed his hands and slipped hers beneath them. Her fingers lightly passed over him through the cotton, possessing him.

  His gut tightened like a quivering fist in one last scramble for control.

  He shook his head in wonder.

  “What?” she whispered, afraid that she had done something wrong.

  Something deeper than desire stirred within him, but he ignored it, afraid to give it attention. Afraid to give it a name. He cupped his hand along her cheek.

  “Woman, you know how to drive a man crazy in more ways than anyone can count.”

  “Who’s counting?” she murmured, bringing her mouth up to his.

  Entwined, their lips sealed against one another, they fell to the bed, seeking pleasure in a newly freed paradise they had both been afraid to enter.

  Almost hesitant, Adam passed his hands over her nude, supple body. His desire was so urgent, he was afraid of hurting her. Afraid that if he touched her too hard, Tracy would melt away, like some dream he had that he wasn’t meant to have.

  She placed her hand over his as he caressed her breast, pressing his hand down. Holding it there.

  “I won’t break,” she whispered against his mouth. “I promise.”

  The hoarsely whispered assurance seemed to be all he needed. The demands within him had reached almost a fever pitch. The kisses he rained upon her mouth and face, upon her throat and neck became more urgent until they could not be contained any longer.

  Threading his fingers through hers, he rolled onto her. He poised himself over her and slowly, his mouth sealed to hers, Adam slid into her and sealed his body to her as well.

  The rhythm overtook them both, drawing them seductively to that special place until they finally reached it.

  Together.

  His lungs bursting, his brain still encased in a haze, Adam felt himself drifting—not falling—to earth again. He heard the hammering of his heart as it lay against hers.

  Or was that her heart hammering?

  He didn’t know. It didn’t matter. For one brief second, they’d been one, shared one heart, one kiss, one moment of ecstasy. That was what counted.

  He began to shift off her.

  Her arms tightened around him in silent entreaty. “No,” she murmured, “not yet.”

  The request, uttered so dreamily, made him smile again for the second time that evening. Part of him felt as if he’d drifted into some secret world of enchantment.

  Gathering her against him, Adam moved so that he was pivoted up on his elbows and looking down into her face. He wasn’t sure just what to say. What did you say to a woman who’d briefly opened up the door to a place you hadn’t believed existed anymore?

  “I’m hurting you,” he said.

  Not in a million years, she thought. “No, you’re not. You’re making me smile.”

  Guilt began to inch its way over him, cutting a path with a sharp, stiletto knife, cutting away his happiness. “I’m sorry.”

  She didn’t understand. “For what?”

  None of this should have happened. He’d just been unfaithful to the memory of a woman he thought he would always love. And he had no one to blame but himself. “I should have let you go home.”

  Let? It had been a long time since a man had “let” her do anything. The last man she’d allowed to have that kind of power over her was her father. She’d been underage at the time. Rebellion had kicked in soon afterward. As far back as she could remember, she had always been her own person.

  But she saw something in Adam’s eyes she couldn’t read, something that was blurred with sadness.

  “I don’t remember you locking the front door and me beating against it with my fists.” He wasn’t looking at her, his profile rigid. Tracy took his face in her hands and made him look at her. “This was mutual. Or, at least I think it was.” She cocked her head. “Did I just have my way with you?”

  Mischief entered her eyes a moment later.

  Mischief that made her almost totally irresistible to him.

  And made him want her all over again.

  Adam didn’t think that it was possible to want someone within three minutes of having them. What was it about this woman that reduced him to a mass of contradictions and question marks?

  He hadn’t a clue. All he knew were the demands his body was making on him, and right now that involved having her again.

  “Maybe,” he replied, then kissed her neck. He felt her move beneath him. Felt the urgency begin all over again, with even more intensity than the last time. “And maybe I’d like equal time.”

  “Equal time?” she breathed as tongues of fire began to lick at her again. “That sounds like it has possibilities. Just what did you have in mind?”

  “This,” he murmured, his breath warming her as he lowered his head and pressed his lips against the swell of her breast.

  She made no attempt to restrain the moan that filled her, that escaped her lips as his tongue lightly passed over the hardened peak.

  “And this,” he told her, anointing the second breast as he had the f
irst. “And maybe this.”

  His mouth trailed tantalizingly along her abdomen, making her belly quiver like a provocative harem dancer. She twisted and moved beneath him, taking his excitement and increasing it by twofold.

  Eager, hungry all over again, Tracy arched against him as his lips branded her, making her his as surely as if she had been created that way. Cupping him, her fingers curving around his most sensitive region, Tracy rubbed her palm against him, enflaming him. Driving the game up to another level.

  When he drove himself into her this time, she had to bite her lower lip to keep from crying out and possibly waking Jake up. Tracy entwined her legs around Adam’s torso, cleaving to him tightly as they rode a second crest to the same sunrise they’d visited before.

  He didn’t remember falling asleep. Only vaguely remembered drawing Tracy to him to take comfort from her warmth.

  There seemed to be something very right about holding this woman against him, about breathing in the light, heady fragrance of her hair and letting it lull him into a peacefulness that had escaped him the first time.

  Maybe it wasn’t peacefulness, maybe it was out and out exhaustion, he silently amended. He wasn’t sure. But whatever it was, it kept the sadness that always haunted him at arm’s length and for that he was eternally grateful.

  But now daybreak was nudging its way into the room, making its presence known and the magic was even now ebbing away.

  He really hadn’t meant for it to go this far, he thought, wondering how he could get out of this predicament.

  His arm was trapped beneath her and he looked about for a way to ease it out without waking Tracy up. He really wasn’t up to any kind of a conversation. He wasn’t even sure how he felt about what had happened last night between them. Until he was, he didn’t want to discuss it.

  Ever so slowly, Adam began to work his arm out from beneath her.

  “If you’re trying to make a quiet getaway,” her voice, husky and low, with sleep still framing each word, floated to him as it skimmed her pillow, “I think I should point out that you’re the one who lives here.”

  She turned around, pulling the sheet to her breasts. Reminding him of the warm, supple body that was just beneath. Her eyes were flirting with him.