Your Baby Or Mine? Read online

  That was her problem, she thought disparagingly. She always wanted what she couldn’t have. And she couldn’t have him, couldn’t have the complete life she secretly yearned for. Not until he wanted it, too.

  Dinner tasted great, even after being reheated. But Alec’s mind wasn’t on his meal, good as it was. It was on Marissa.

  Big surprise.

  No matter how hard he tried, how well he tried not to do anything stupid to perpetuate a situation he had no business being in, he couldn’t seem to exercise that same control over his mind. It was almost as if the more he tried not to think about her, the more he did. What she said, what she did. He’d see her reading to the children, or teaching them how to roll a ball between them without eating it. And of course, there was class, when he could make it. She was always in class, moving, stretching, tantalizing without knowing it.

  It was small wonder he couldn’t do a good job of not thinking about her. There were traces of her everywhere in his life. And if she wasn’t around, her cologne was. It lingered throughout the house.

  He was never going to be able to look at flowers again without thinking of her.

  Alec knew he should consider his words carefully, but this was just in self-defense against one of Myra’s “fixups,” nothing more. “Rex wants me to bring someone.”

  “A date?” There was no reason for her pulse to suddenly accelerate like this. Alec could see whoever he wanted to. She’d already convinced herself that even though he’d kissed her, it hadn’t meant anything. At least, not to him.

  The word date made him uncomfortable. He would have rather not thought of it that way. “For lack of a better term,” he demurred. “Actually, he threatened me. He said Myra would have one of her unattached friends there.”

  Amusement lifted the corners of her mouth. “And that’s a threat?”

  It certainly was to him. “How do you feel about blind dates?”

  She shrugged as she wiped Andrea’s hands. The little girl had decided to wrestle her for the spoon and had gotten apple sauce all over her fingers in the process. “I don’t know, I’ve never had one. Awkward, I’d imagine.”

  He looked at her incredulously. “You’ve never had a blind date?”

  Why was he so surprised? “No. I always knew who I was going out with. Or thought I did,” she murmured more to herself than to Alec. She’d known who she was going out with, she amended. She just hadn’t known the depth to which his stripes ran. She hadn’t known he was unshakably set in his ways.

  “Well, they’re awful, take it from me.” He’d had a few arranged by well-meaning friends before Christine had entered his life. “You spend the entire time stumbling through six-word sentences and subtly trying to look at your watch, hoping the minute hand has suddenly taken on wings instead of being stuck in glue.”

  “That does sounds pretty terrible,” she agreed.

  “It is.” And if he didn’t ask someone, he was going to allow himself to be sentenced to that sort of thing all evening.

  Alec leaned back and studied Marissa. She was still feeding both of the kids, coaxing a spoonful of food into one, then using the downtime to do the same with the other. Even with all the things she had to do in her own life, she still managed to have the household running far better than anyone else who’d filled the position before her.

  She made life comfortable for him, he thought. Maybe a little too comfortable. And yet, there was this edginess just outside the perimeter, waiting to come in, to claim him if he let it. An edginess that excited him even as it scared the hell out of him.

  Was he making a mistake?

  There was only one way to find out

  He picked his plate up and took it to the sink, buying himself a little time as he brushed the remains into the garbage pail.

  “Marissa,” he began slowly, “how would you like to rescue me?”

  She wasn’t going to hope, she told herself. He hadn’t tried to kiss her since the Sunday he’d given her the computer. He didn’t mean what she wanted him to mean. “You want me to call Rex and say that you can’t come because you have a broken leg? Or been abducted by aliens?”

  Setting the dish into the dishwasher, he shut the door, and then turned around to look at her. “All viable possibilities, but Rex would want proof in either case.” He watched her face. “I was thinking more along the lines of you coming with me.”

  “To a party?”

  “To a costume party.”

  He seemed to cringe as he said the word. She could think of nothing more exciting.

  Well, actually, she could, but she’d tried not to let herself think about him very often, not in that light. Not when he was trying so hard to distance himself from her. It seemed as if giving her the computer was her consolation prize. He had taken himself out of the equation that night and left her on the outside, looking in.

  Now, it seemed, the door was open again. Had he. changed his mind? Did he finally recognize the needs that she had already seen within him?

  She could feel the smile rising to her eyes. “I’d love to.” A costume. She was going to need a costume. Something to blend with his. “What are you going as?”

  The thought of having to wear a costume really made him not want to go at all. “I was thinking of going as a computer programmer.”

  Why was she not surprised? “You are a computer programmer.”

  Alec nodded. “I know. Makes finding the costume easy.” He’d told her it was a costume party so that she could find one for herself and not feel awkward when they arrived. He had no intentions of wasting any time looking for something to wear himself.

  If they were going, they were going to do it right. “Leave it to me,” she promised, wiping Christopher’s mouth. “I’ll take care of everything. Now, I’ve got to get going before I’m late. The kids are all changed and fed. Bedtime’s at seven-thirty. I’ll see you later.”

  And she was gone.

  Yup, he thought, taking Andrea out of the high chair and then reaching for Christopher, he’d just made a mistake. A big one.

  So why did it feel so good?

  * * *

  “A pirate?” Alec stared at the open box on the sofa. He’d had to go in today for half a day. A half day that had turned into longer than a regular whole one. He was more than ready to forget about the party, except that Marissa had sounded so excited when he’d walked in. He hadn’t seen her, but she’d called out to him and told him she’d be right out. His costume, she said, was in the family room.

  “You want me to go as a pirate?”

  “No, not a pirate, a Gypsy.” He obviously hadn’t looked at the outside of the box. “And not just any Gypsy. You’re the Prince of the Gypsies.”

  As if that made it better, Alec thought, holding up the wide, fawn-colored breeches. Was she kidding? “I don’t have to wear a crown, or tights, do I?”

  She laughed. Was it her imagination, or did that sound incredibly sexy? “Only if you want to.”

  “I don’t even want to go,” he told her. He held up the shirt. The sleeves were wide enough to hide Andrea in. This was ridiculous. He wasn’t going to wear something most women wouldn’t be seen dead in. “I don’t see why—”

  He stopped as she walked into the room. The words dried on his lips, fading away. She looked like a Gypsy, all right. A Gypsy queen. Her slim hips were girdled with a multicolored scarf that dipped wantonly on one side. Her white blouse was scooped at the bodice, showing off bare, creamy shoulders. The skirt was made of yards and yards of material that flowed around her like leaves dancing in the autumn wind.

  “You don’t see why what?” she coaxed when he didn’t finish his sentence.

  “I don’t know.” He stared at her, mesmerized. “I forgot.”

  Alec moved around her slowly, drinking her in, a sip at a time. She looked like a colorful whirlwind. A myriad of thin gold bracelets clinked at her wrists whenever she moved her hands while wide, gold hoops swung invitingly from her ears, drawing his a
ttention to the slim column of her neck. Her hair curled around her, a dark storm of waves. It made him long to run his fingers through it.

  His tongue felt like lead in his mouth. “God, but you are beautiful.”

  Marissa flushed, pleased. Eyes slanted to look more mysterious, Marissa ran her thumb over her fingers. “Cross my palm with gold, handsome sir, and I shall tell you what the future holds for you.”

  He already knew what the future could hold for him. If he were brave enough to risk it.

  Alec picked up the box. “I’d better put this on,” he murmured.

  “And I’ll put the children down for the night.” For simplicity, Christopher was going to remain in Andrea’s room tonight.

  He nodded. “They ought to get a kick out of the costume.” He smiled broadly. “God knows, I do.”

  Marissa left the room, smiling. “Hurry up, we don’t want to be late.”

  “Yes, we do,” he said over his shoulder as he went up the stairs to his room.

  Rex had pulled out all the stops. He’d even hired valet parking for the evening. Smartly dressed attendants quickly approached arriving cars. Just how many people were coming tonight?

  Alec handed his keys to one attendant as he got out. Another was holding the passenger door open for Marissa. He saw admiration in the man’s eyes as he looked at her. Not that he could blame him, Alec thought, rounding the hood.

  He took Marissa’s arm and led her to the front entrance.

  “I still don’t understand. How did you manage to talk Roberta into staying with the children?”

  Never in a million years would he have thought his mother would give up a Saturday night to do something so mundane as baby-sit her granddaughter.

  “I take no credit,” Marissa said innocently. “It was completely her idea. I was going to call Jane to baby-sit. All I did was mention the party to your mother when she called earlier. The rest is history.”

  Alec guided her up the steps. “Not my history,” he assured Marissa. “I’m going to start looking for a pod in her basement. That woman who came over tonight is not my mother.” There was something different about Roberta lately. Softer. As if she’d suddenly realized that she had allowed something precious to slip by all these years. What other explanation was there for her sudden interest in his life? It wasn’t exactly maternal, but it was close.

  “There are no basements in Southern California,” she stated flatly.

  “Just shows how tricky these aliens really are.” Leaning past her, Alec rang the doorbell. His arm accidentally brushed against her breasts. He could feel a warmth creeping over him, reminding him of when he had pulled her free from the breakfront. How her body had felt against his.

  He was making himself crazy. Because with the yearning came the fears, the memory of how bereft he’d felt after Christine had died. And how he had vowed never to feel that way again. The price for that had been isolation.

  The price for feeling again was the promise of pain. He didn’t want to go through that again. But he didn’t want to relinquish what was happening, either.

  “Sorry,” he murmured.

  “It’s all right, it was an accident.” Was she being wanton because she didn’t want it to be an accident? Because she wanted him to want her?

  A somewhat rounded Robin Hood opened the door, calling a halt to any further exchange.

  Rex lifted the dark green mask away from his eyes, getting a better view. He recognized Alec immediately, though Alec knew his partner had half expected him to arrive in a suit.

  “Alec?”

  If Rex grinned any more, Alec thought, his face would split in two. Alec ushered Marissa into the tiled foyer. Music, mixed with the sounds of voices raised in conversation and laughter, was coming from the ballroom.

  “It’s me,” he assured Rex. “Don’t rub it in.”

  Rex was already turning his attention to Alec’s companion, taking her hand in his and kissing it as befit the courtly era his costume represented.

  “And this is?” He raised an inquiring brow toward Alec.

  “Marissa.” Alec slipped one arm around her shoulders. It was a purely proprietary move and he was ashamed of himself, but he made no attempt to remove his arm. “Marissa Rogers, this is Rex Wellington, part owner of Bytes and Pieces. And a former friend.”

  Marissa inclined her head. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  “And I have heard absolutely nothing about you.” He looked at Alec accusingly. “Who is this beautiful creature?”

  “I’m the nanny,” Marissa explained simply, sparing Alec the trouble of going into details he’d rather leave unsaid.

  “Myra,” Rex called into the ballroom, even though there was no way his wife could hear him. “We have to get some children. Quick.”

  Marissa laughed. “Don’t encourage him,” Alec warned. Then, turning to Rex, he advised, “Get a hold of yourself, or Myra’ll tighten her leash.” Myra was a very jealous woman, though Rex had never given her any cause.

  There was always a first time, Alec thought, seeing the way Rex was looking at Marissa.

  “It might be worth it,” Rex mused. “Come, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

  “I already know everyone,” Alec attested.

  “I wasn’t talking to you.” Rex hooked his arm through Marissa’s, extracting her from Alec. “So, how long have you been nannying?” he asked as he pulled her into the ballroom.

  Alec followed behind them, feeling the oddest sensation working its way throughout his body and centering in his chest. He would have said that he didn’t have a jealous bone in his body. But if this wasn’t jealousy, what the hell was it? He was feeling positively territorial about Marissa, and annoyed that Rex had taken her over.

  There was absolutely no reason to feel this way. Rex was his friend, and married in the bargain. Happily married. And Marissa was her own person. He had no say in her life any more than she had one in his, beyond where it affected his daughter.

  He plucked a goblet of wine from the tray of a passing waiter and resigned himself to making the best of it.

  He had no say in her life beyond where it affected his life, Alec amended half an hour later. And seeing her in the center of a circle of men, laughing at something one of them was saying, was definitely affecting his life.

  He’d put up with it long enough.

  Alec placed his glass of wine down on the first available flat surface and excused himself from the woman who had been talking to him. At least, he thought it was a woman. It was someone dressed as a pink rabbit. The voice coming out of the rabbit’s head was muffled and he really hadn’t been listening to anything the rabbit had to say.

  He’d been too busy watching Marissa. Telling himself that he didn’t care how many men talked to her.

  It was a lie. He did.

  It was stupid on his part, but God help him, he did. He didn’t want her talking to anyone but him.

  Coming up behind her, Alec tapped Marissa on the shoulder. Was it his imagination, or had her blouse slipped a little since they’d walked in? He didn’t remember her cleavage looking quite that ample, quite that tempting, before.

  “Want to dance?” he asked when she turned toward him.

  There wasn’t a moment’s hesitation. She was sure the others would excuse her. “I’d love to.”

  Someone else within the circle, a man dressed like George Washington, put his hand out to her. “Then why don’t we—” he began.

  “She’s with me.” Alec all but growled the words, taking a firm hold of her hand. He didn’t say another word as he led her to the dance floor.

  Marissa nestled against him, amusement in her eyes. “You’re supposed to be a Gypsy prince, not a caveman.”

  He opened his mouth to defend himself and then closed it again. She was right. “Sorry, did that sound a little gruff?”

  She nodded. “I was expecting you to drag me off by my hair any second. There was no need, you know. I had every intention of dancing
with you.” She leaned her head against his shoulder. “I was just waiting for you to ask me.

  That same scent of wildflowers began filling his head. Worse than a drug, he thought. It was beginning to disorient him, make him think of things, want things. “You looked like you were having a good time.”

  She raised her head to look at him. “I am. Now.”

  “You looked like you were having one before.”

  She glanced over her shoulder, feeling a little like Cinderella at the ball. This was a wonderful change of pace from what she was accustomed to. “Your friends are nice. I like them.”

  He shrugged, trying to sound indifferent. “They’re all right. What was he saying to you? Joe. You were laughing.” He knew he was failing. He sounded as disinterested as a police detective investigating a homicide.

  “Just a funny story.” She looked at him closely. “Alec, are you jealous?”

  He avoided her eyes, looking, instead, over her head at the small five-piece band Myra had hired. They were dressed like the early Beatles, with one to spare. “Why would I be jealous?”

  They both knew he was behaving that way. “Because you seem rather annoyed that I was over there, talking to other men.” She didn’t want him thinking that he owned her just because she cared about him.

  His hand tightened around her waist. “Maybe, since I asked you to the party, I thought that you’d be with me instead of…” He caught himself. What the hell had come over him? He was behaving like some mindless jerk. “I’m sorry, did that sound as hopelessly adolescent to you as it did to me?”

  Tension gone, she smiled up at him, lighting up the room. “Yes, but that’s all right. In a way, it was kind of cute.”

  Alec sighed, pressing her closed hand to his chest. “I don’t know, whenever I’m around you, I just don’t seem to think straight.”

  “You don’t have a monopoly oh that, you know,” she told him softly.

  He shouldn’t feel this way. He knew where it would lead. And yet, it was so good to be alive again. “So, what are we going to do about it?”

  Was he really admitting that he felt something for her? Oh, Lord, she hoped so. “Take it one step at a time. That’s all we can do.”